Anyway... I have a consistent dating problem that I don't know how to solve. I 'v never gotten a date from online dating. So I was wondering if there were any good books or resources or papers or something on the subject?

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A good first message consists of "Compliment + be brutely honest and clear about what you want. Neither most men nor most women enjoy having a long small talk conversation via online chatting before meeting.

A good first message consists of "Compliment + honestly asking for what you want + greeting".

Don't ask the other person to be more vulnerable then you are but share vulnerability yourself when you ask the other person for something that makes them vulnerable.

A friend who makes money with dating coaching gave me that formula and told me that I should write messages that are more sexual. Given that there was no reason not to try, I did and was surprised about how positive the response were.

The quality of a dating profile is measured by how much emotional impact it has. The conveyed information is secondary. I personally go through the hero's journey on my profile in a way that shares vulnerability. You want a woman that reads your profile to feel something and that will make her interested to know more about you.

The "you should message me if" should be filled and filling it with relevant information makes it more likely that a woman will message you.

Photo quality matters a great deal for online dating. If you are very relaxed you look better. I personally made my last profile pictures after a hypnosis intervention but I guess you can get a similar effect with other ways of relaxing. Maybe a sauna or floating tank makes you relax well to look better immediately afterwards. Camera quality matters as well.

People are usually bad judges about the question of which photo presents them best. is a website where you can get your photo's rated on presenting you smart, trustworthy and attractive. If you try different pictures and put in the work the resulting picture will make a better profile.

I started a company to help these kinds of situations. We have a team of 50 full-time dating/relationship coaches available 24/7 to give you personalized advice:

Also check out our analysis of 100+ user-submitted online dating conversations:

As far as your marketing goes saying you have 50 full-time people, saying once you have 100 clients/day and once 200 clients/per day aren't numbers that seem to be matching.


"50 full time dating coaches" is not "50 full time staff". These are people who are dedicated to the topic but probably not only employed by the business.

I got some good insights from the Charisma Tips website, which now seems to only be available via Wayback.

For writing a good profile, I liked: I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating, by Evan Marc Katz - mainly the examples in pages 36 through 39.

Authentic relating / circling workshops helped me, but they're more oriented toward what to do when you've got a date.


Bad advice is everywhere on this topic (many companies will happily cash in on your difficulties), but the only good advice is personal, and comes from good people with successful dating histories. Preferably someone who knows you, and what you want, but if you don't have a sister, friend, or similar to ask, then it's still potentially useful to ask others you know or find who are happily dating/partnered what they did/do/recommend. The answers (good ones) will probably be hard, things like "be patient", "work on your communication skills", "expand your interests" - but that's what correct answers to a hard problem look like. Distrust the advice of anyone selling something (only buy things/services once you've gotten good advice and decided to; don't buy the advice), and stay MILES AWAY from people who treat women like property - sexist asshats are poison to getting good dates.