The apartment complex' office just called with an excellent suggestion that none of us thought of: Finish out my lease in a different apartment in the same complex. (It's a large complex; if I'm on the other side of it I should be safe from randomly encountering the guy.)
Yay, I can sleep again soon.
That's a very clever idea. Are there any security issues if you move some of your stuff from your current apartment to the temporary one?
There is a chance that the guy could see the moving truck and follow it. But he'd have to get pretty lucky to happen to be around during that particular few hours, and even if he did, the inconvenience and increased risk of having to go all the way across the complex to get to me seems like it'd be a deterrent.
Edit: I fail at grammar when I'm sleep deprived. :(
You might get some use from Her Wits about Her, a book of true stories about women protecting themselves from attackers. It ranges from talking one's way out to violent response. It's got favorable reviews from women's self-defense teachers.
It seems like your apartment has easily accessible windows. I'd consider installing window grates on each such window. They're reasonably priced and easy to mount, and they make breaking in through the window much more difficult.
I wasn't even aware that these existed in a form that could be mounted on the inside of a window. Awesome. Thank you.
Being a Russian I don't know much about what kind of responses are legally acceptable in the US, but... Bucket of cold water? Camera flash in the eyes? Pepper spray? Have a big friend stay over and teach the creep a lesson? Nobody ever won a war by defending. Hell, I know a girl who stabbed a knife through a guy's palm when he tried to grab her.
Even if you don't end up doing any of that, please set up some sort of panic button on your cellphone.
I don't own a cell phone, but upgrading my cordless phone to something with a 911 auto-dialer button is high on the to-do list.
The rest of your list - bucket of cold water assumes I either have time to fill one or am keeping one or several around where I'm likely to knock it/them over, plus if he's that close I expect I'm better off running. Camera flash is a useful idea, plus it might generate a useful ID. I'm considering pepper spray, but that seems likely to make the house pretty unpleasant to be in afterward. I don't have any local friends who would be especially useful in that sense. Stabbing seems to have a lot of the same problems as guns - I'm more likely to have the knife taken away and used against me, unless I somehow manage to surprise him, which seems pretty unlikely.
"but that seems likely to make the house pretty unpleasant to be in afterward."
But the house would only end up being unpleasant if it was used to prevent far more serious consequences. As a particularly effective deterrent, it seems still worth it.
This is true. My observation does imply that I'd prefer significant pre-mace deterrents along with the mace, though.
In the current legal climate - even given that you're a woman - I would recommend against lethal force. There's too much training involved, particularly in the legal deployment of said force. Weapons are more likely to be turned against you, or to wind up with you arrested.
Tazers are similarly hard to use. The elctrode-shooting variety would require skill and stable mind; the other hand fall to all the problems of unarmed combat. He's probably stronger than you.
Pepper spray, on the other hand, would be a perfect weapon. Non-lethal, probably legal (or at the very least at a low level of 'illegal' where the cops wouldn't mind, just this once), and you don't have to have perfect aim to employ it. As for the side effects, it's not that bad; about on par with burning something on the stove. Your eyes will sting a little bit, and you'll dry-cough occasionally, but your house won't be 'unlivable' during the 1/2 hour it takes to disperse.
With this enemy, I wouldn't recommend fleeing, or avoidance. Those only work against non-targetted attacks, such as street muggers. They don't care who they rob, just that they rob somebody. With this individual I strongly suspect that he has you targetted specifically - at the very least he's doing it because you're the best looking woman in the neighbourhood (by his definition - there's something about you he finds attractive), at worst you're the best woman period - which means there's a decent chance that he'll pursue you after you move.
Your goal, then, should be to utterly dispatch this enemy. Approach defense, not with the goal of aversion - as you would with, eg, house thieves - but with the goal of ensnarement. Capturing his face on camera, subduing him and phoning the police, something like that should be your goal.
Also, for the camera - digital cameras see in the infrared spectrum (try it out with the bead on the end of your remote control). Putting up lights will make him go to a different window - but putting up infrared lights will make him think that he's still hidden in darkness, and wander straight into your trap.
In the current legal climate - even given that you're a woman - I would recommend against lethal force. There's too much training involved, particularly in the legal deployment of said force. Weapons are more likely to be turned against you, or to wind up with you arrested.
Uh, yeah. I don't currently think this guy wants to kill me. Killing him is not a goal.
Tazers are similarly hard to use. The elctrode-shooting variety would require skill and stable mind; the other hand fall to all the problems of unarmed combat. He's probably stronger than you.
*nod*
Pepper spray, on the other hand, would be a perfect weapon. Non-lethal, probably legal (or at the very least at a low level of 'illegal' where the cops wouldn't mind, just this once), and you don't have to have perfect aim to employ it. As for the side effects, it's not that bad; about on par with burning something on the stove. Your eyes will sting a little bit, and you'll dry-cough occasionally, but your house won't be 'unlivable' during the 1/2 hour it takes to disperse.
That's good to hear. Pepper spray is legal here, and I've basically decided to go ahead and get some.
With this enemy, I wouldn't recommend fleeing, or avoidance. Those only work against non-targetted attacks, such as street muggers. They don't care who they rob, just that they rob somebody. With this individual I strongly suspect that he has you targetted specifically - at the very least he's doing it because you're the best looking woman in the neighbourhood (by his definition - there's something about you he finds attractive)
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. I recognize that this is true (it's very unlikely that he wants me as a trophy to show off - I'm not traditionally attractive, and rather intentionally so), but being reminded of it squicks me out. Please don't?
at worst you're the best woman period - which means there's a decent chance that he'll pursue you after you move.
I find this doubtful. People of my general type are not hard to find. Also, it's pretty unlikely that he'll be able to find me at the new place - I work from home and don't regularly go anywhere else in the community except the grocery store, which I'll also be changing when I move, so it's not like he can follow me to a job or a gym and then later follow me from there to the new place.
Your goal, then, should be to utterly dispatch this enemy. Approach defense, not with the goal of aversion - as you would with, eg, house thieves - but with the goal of ensnarement. Capturing his face on camera, subduing him and phoning the police, something like that should be your goal.
*nod*
Also, for the camera - digital cameras see in the infrared spectrum (try it out with the bead on the end of your remote control). Putting up lights will make him go to a different window - but putting up infrared lights will make him think that he's still hidden in darkness, and wander straight into your trap.
He wasn't too shy to come up to the window with the porch light on, in the second incident. Still, this seems like it might work in the longer term if the lights I have up now seem to scare him off. I'll look into it.
You're absolutely right in being reluctant to use dangerous weapons. The knife thing wasn't meant as a serious recommendation for you - the girl I'm talking about has a sort of "killing spirit" like Eliezer's Harry, not everyone can be like that, I'm not :-) If I were you, I'd skip the camera flash and just go with mace. But whatever you choose, remember to use it suddenly, without threat or warning.
I think you should reconsider the gun option.
The only people who are at non-trivial risk of injuring themselves with guns are, ironically, people who like guns. (It doesn't sound like this would be a problem for you.) People who like guns handle them a lot, carry them around unnecessarily, and spend a lot of time cleaning and loading/unloading their guns. Learning how to use a gun is very easy, and you don't really have to practice shooting.
Ultimately the math still might not add up for you. It depends on how unpleasant you find the idea of owning a gun, and how serious you think the threat is, as well as other variables, like the difficulty of acquiring a gun where you are. I know most states don't require a permit to buy a rifle or shotgun. (It is also pretty hard to hurt yourself with a long gun.)
Unless you actively dislike the idea of gun ownership, I would say that if you think there is a .1% chance that this guy (or someone else) will invade your home, you should go ahead and buy a gun.
Do you have anyone who will let you sleep at their place?
A woman's self-defense class would probably be a good idea. If the one I took a while ago is a fair sample, it's partly technique, but mostly cultivating the idea that it's all right to defend yourself physically. You don't need to win, just to be more trouble than attacking you is worth.
Do you have anyone who will let you sleep at their place?
Not in a long-term sense. If this was happening more often, it might be worth it.
A woman's self-defense class would probably be a good idea.
*nod* I'll look into it. I already pretty well grok the idea that it's okay to defend myself, though - my worry isn't so much that I won't struggle as that I won't be very effective at it. (I'm not even remotely athletic.)
An ear can be bitten off with a mere 15 lbs of force, or something like that. To gouge out eyes you need to either catch them by surprise with their eyelids open, or have sharp nails and a fair bit of hand strength. Honestly, go for the ear. Just bite onto the top with your canines, and YANK.
Be unpredictable.
Does the apartment complex have a security guard? You might be able to scare your landlord into doing more if you tell them about the incidents and find some way to tactfully mention that your brother is a lawyer. Better still if you can get other women in the complex to make the same request.
I actually just got off the phone with them and they seem to be taking it more seriously than I'd expected. I'm not sure what can be done without a decent description, though. (I don't know if there's a security guard here, but I expect I'm going to find out about it if there is one. There are already pretty regular police drive-bys, though.)
I thought of that myself shortly after I posted - his behavior suggests yes, so I've arranged to go acquire a curtain and have a friend help me hang it tomorrow.
It seems you're already prepared for all but the worst-case scenario. What about the worst-case scenario - i.e. if he goes completely unhinged and smashes in through the window? Do you have a room you can run into that (a) contains a telephone and (b) has a sturdy lock?
Obviously it's nice to have, but it's a distant third priority. Fighting as self-defence should be treated strictly as a last resort. Especially for a sleepy woman in her night clothing.
It might not even be "nice to have" as such -- the mere presence of (e.g.) a firearm, even your own firearm, would probably make it much more likely that you would get badly injured or killed in any potential home-invasion incident.
In case the guy hasn't noticed or recognized the webcam, what about a "premises are under 24-hour video surveillance" sign?
It's prohibitively difficult to locate statistics hosted by unbiased sources; but the rational response here would probably be to try to locate such statistics and decide whether the costs of firearm ownership outweigh the benefits, given AdeleneDawner's elevated risk of home invasion.
Personally, I'd go with "large, well-trained dog" if allowed by the landlord, but I can't show my work--it's just an impression I've picked up from casual research into personal and home security over the years.
Personally, I'd go with "large, well-trained dog" if allowed by the landlord.
There's a 50-lb limit for pets here, so basically it's not. (For reference, Labs run about 55-80 lbs.) I have seen electronic gadgets that simulate a barking dog when they detect someone nearby, but that might be too disruptive in an apartment complex - there's not a lot of foot traffic at night, but even rare false positives would be unpleasant for myself and my neighbors.
In general, I'm wary about threats in general and especially bluffs against an opponent of unknown rationality; but how about an electronic gadget that simulates a barking dog when you detect someone nearby?
Very good idea.
It's a bit surprising that I'm having trouble finding a useful sound clip online, but I'll definitely be implementing this one as soon as I do.
I'd worry that scaring him away from your home with a barking dog would only enourage him to target you at your works parking garage, or something like that.
Right now you have the advantage of knowing where the enemy is going to attack.
I work from home and can be fairly accurately said to never go out except to the grocery store. Scaring him away from here, if done effectively, should be sufficient.
50 lbs isn't tiny. That's a dog which could sound an alarm, and be no pleasure for an attacker to deal with.
A dog is a large commitment, but might be worth considering.
In case the guy hasn't noticed or recognized the webcam, what about a "premises are under 24-hour video surveillance" sign?
Good idea.
Weapons have come pretty far. My woman in her night clothing could deal with an intruder with out a whole lot of "fight". It wouldn't be pretty, but less effective solutions should be used before someone breaks in to your house to see you.
If you have to choose between a second locked door and a boomstick... go with the one that doesn't try the same thing twice. Independent solution paths are good.
If you have to choose between a second locked door and a boomstick... go with the one that doesn't try the same thing twice. Independent solution paths are good.
If the intruder had come through the door, I would agree with that assessment. But right now, all that stands in his way is a window. Breaking through that is not at all the same as breaking through a reinforced door. And a reinforced door is much easier to use in a panic, plus not nearly as likely to get you killed or injured - and note that at no point did I take mêlée weaponry into consideration. For someone who is new to firearms, putting one in your room can go wrong in so many ways that it probably decreases your chances of survival.
For someone who is new to firearms, putting one in your room can go wrong in so many ways that it probably decreases your chances of survival.
I agree. I'm essentially not even willing to consider getting a gun over this - by the time I'd be trained well enough to break even with it safety-wise, I expect to be out of here one way or the other. (If the house falls through, I'm going to look for another apartment. Also, I'm fairly clumsy and not good at the fine motor skills that I assume are involved in aiming.)
I am considering pepper spray, though using it indoors seems suboptimal in terms of living here afterward. A friend also suggested getting a stun gun... I'm not sure quite what to think about that one yet.
by the time I'd be trained well enough to break even with it safety-wise...Also, I'm fairly clumsy and not good at the fine motor skills that I assume are involved in aiming
For what it's worth, you're overestimating the difficulty of using a firearm safely.
If you're anything like any of the people that I've seen pick up a gun for the first time, you really can just talk to the guy behind the counter for 5 minutes about gun mechanics/safety and be proficient enough for home defense.
It's easy to hit your friend with a squirtgun before he can get to you. The only real question is whether your mindset allows you to do it with a real gun when it matters.
A friend also suggested getting a stun gun... I'm not sure quite what to think about that one yet.
Tasers actually fire darts up to 15 feet, and if both darts connect the person will stiffen and drop. They won't be able to get up for 30 seconds, but they will be fine and capable immediately after the shock stops (keep pushing the button?). You only get one shot though.
Stun guns that don't fire darts are basically toys. The current path is too short to lock up enough muscles to bring the person down, the shock stops as soon as the person moves off the end of the stun gun, and you have to be within touching distance.
For what it's worth, you're overestimating the difficulty of using a firearm safely.
I may be. Even so, it's not really something I'm comfortable with (which I didn't know before - it's getting clearer the more we talk about it here) and I doubt I'd benefit from having one. It's not just that I think I'd freeze rather than using it, it's also that the idea of having one close enough to me that I could grab it in an emergency kind of freaks me out, and I expect I'd start keeping it stashed uselessly on a shelf in a closet at the first excuse.
Tasers... stun guns.
Useful, thanks.
I could arrange for the bathroom to fit that description. I'm not exactly confident I'd make it there if I was woken up by the sound of breaking glass, but it's easy enough to do that it's worth it anyway, I think.
NihilCredo:
Do you have a room you can run into that (a) contains a telephone and (b) has a sturdy lock?
If you're considering the absolute worst-case scenario, i.e. someone who has gained access to your place and is hell-bent on harming you, locking yourself into a room won't help unless it has an extremely sturdy high-security door, which costs a lot of money and requires some difficult work by a skilled professional to install. Ordinary interior doors are not much of a barrier, regardless of what lock you put on them. (Not to even mention how fragile drywall is.)
I'm not an expert on home security, and I'm not familiar with all the details of your situation, so I don't want to give any advice beyond my knowledge and competence. I'm merely pointing out things where I'm confident that the information I'm giving is accurate. It does seem obvious to me that if your outside doors and windows are reasonably well-secured, it will provide a stronger barrier than anything you can expect from interior doors without very extraordinary effort and investment. So I would definitely focus on the former, as far as security based on physical barriers goes. My impression is that reasonable measures like window grates should be sufficient deterrent for the overwhelming majority of potential intruders.
As for the other things mentioned by various commenters, like weapons, guard dogs, etc., even if I were an expert, there is too much that depends on your specific situation, from the relevant laws in your jurisdiction (for example, even mace is illegal to possess where I live) to your own physique and disposition.
About three hours ago - in the very early morning, pre-dawn - someone knocked on my window to get my attention and made a lewd proposition. Less than two weeks ago, someone - probably the same person; definitely someone with a similar voice and build - woke me up by whispering 'open the door' until I looked out the window. I am, needless to say, not amused.
Since the first incident, I've been leaving my porch light on, and I've had a webcam sitting prominently in the window. The webcam has been commented on by both of the people who know me and would have an opportunity to do so, so I expected that it would be a reasonable deterrent, but apparently this guy is very stupid, very desperate, or both.
I called the police both times, and they responded promptly, but didn't see anyone walking around near my apartment. This leads me to believe that I'm being harassed by a nearby neighbor.
The webcam was not on during the second incident, but it will be on nightly from now on. I also intend to add a light in the window near my bed - I didn't get a good look at the guy, even though he was right there and not making any apparent attempt to hide, because he was between me and the porch light.
I'd appreciate any other practical suggestions that anyone might have, bearing in mind that I'm in an apartment and can't make many changes to the building itself. Also, I was already working on buying a house before the first incident even happened, so suggestions that I move aren't useful - I'm already working on that, thank goodness.
(The chances of me having trouble with this individual in any situation other than a home invasion seem pretty small - I don't leave the house often, and not on a regular schedule at all, plus I don't drive so I generally have a friend in a car watching me to and from the door, so the usually more risky situation of getting in and out of the house isn't an issue for the most part. I will be extra-careful about getting my mail and thoughtful about when I leave to do my laundry.)