So my friends told me that they think I was being defeatist and not trying the best I could to do what I said I want to do.
So I shrugged, Akrasia, am I right? And take on more work toward my professed goals.
Almost immediately, I meet severe internal resistance. A general sense of vague fatigue and tiredness, running out of spoons.
I reported this to my friends who continue to believe that I was standing in my own way to success.
I shrugged, inside-outside views time, I trust my friend's rational ability as much as mine, and if I look from the outside as if I am shirking it, how likely is it that I actually am?
I continue the intensified schedule until I got heartburn, which I assume to be from the stress since I haven't changed eating habit. I took it to mean that the intensified schedule is unsustainable long term.
eh have to try it to know it.
Looking back, however, it struck me how easy it is to explain to my friends that I am already at the limit by citing stress-induced heartburn compare to a vague sense of fatigue and tiredness, an insufficiency of spoons.
I would assume that it is better for me to stop before actual stress-induced anything happened since they would also sap at the already depleted willpower, take time to heal, and bad for health. But I also want my friends to spur me on when I appear to be slacking, social motivation is a thing you know?
The question is: is there any way I can signal "I am at my limit" without having to wait for my body to actually break down and report that?
[related "pain is not the unit of effort" and "pain is the unit of effort"]
a few solutions:
- I can report "heartburn" without actually having heartburn just to signal my limit. I don't like this because it makes it hard for my friends to coordinate with me. I am saying untrue things for the sake of signaling, this is the path down the maze [or up the simulacra levels]. If my friends found out [and they probably would since I am a crappy liar], it would be very hard to communicate with them again.
- I can do something else to signal my limit. e.g. "I am going to donate 500 bucks to X charity to prove what I am saying is at least that important". I am not sure it proves anything.
Unrelated, I am also wondering if I am teaching my body some bad habits, [i.e. body see: stress->report breakdown->stress goes away. body learns to report breakdown when stress regardless of breakdown]. I am also wondering if I should view my body so adversarially.