I actually went through the same process as what you describe here, but it didn't remove my "transhumanist" label. I was a big fan of Humanity+, excited about human upgrading, etc. etc. I then became disillusioned about progress in the relevant fields, started to understand nonduality and the lack of a persistent or independent self, and realized AI was the only critical thing that actually was in the process of happening.

In that sense, my process was similar but I still consider myself a transhumanist. Why? Because for me, solving death or trying to make progress in the scientific fields that lead to various types of augmentations aren't the biggest or most critical pieces of transhumanism. One could probably have been a transhumanist in the 1800s, because for me it's about the process of imagining and defining and philosophizing about what humanity--on an individual organism level as well as on a sociocultural level--will become (or what it might be worthwhile to become) after particular types of technological transitions.

Admittedly, there is a normative component that's something like "those of us who want to should be able to become something more than base human" and isn't really active until those capabilities actually exist, but the process of thinking about what it might be worthwhile to become, or what the transition will be like, or what matters and what is valuable in this kind of future, are all important.

It's not about maximizing the self, either--I'm not an extropian. Whether or not something called "me" exists in this future (which might be soon but might not), the conscious experience of beings in it matter to me (and in this sense I'm a longtermist).

Will an aligned AI solve death? Maybe, but my hopes don't rely on this. Humanity will almost certainly change in diverse ways, and is already changing a bit (though often not in great ways). It's worthwhile to think about what kind of changes we would want to create, given greater powers to do so.

I had a very long writeup on this but I had a similar journey from identifying as a transhumanist to deeply despising AI, so I appreciate seeing this. I'll quote part of mine and perhaps identify:

"I worked actively in frontier since at least 2012 including several stints in "disruptive technology" companies where I became very familiar with the technology cult perspective and to a significant extent, identified. One should note that there is a definitely healthy aspect to it, though even the most healthiest aspect is, as one could argue, colonialist - the idea of destructive change in order to "make a better world."

Until 2023..

And yet I also had a deep and abiding love of art, heavily influenced by "Art as Prayer" by Andrei Tarkovsky, and this actually fit into a deep and abiding spiritual, even religion viewpoint that integrated my love of technology and love of art.

In my spare time and nontrivially, I spent a lot of time writing, drawing here and there, as well as writing poetry - all which had a deep and significant meaning to me.

In the Hermetic system, Man is the creation of clay and spirit imbued with the divine spark to create; this is why science and technology can be seen as a form of worship, because to learn of Nature and to advance the "occult" into the known is part of the Divine Science to ultimately know God and summon the spirits via the Machine; the computer is the modern occultist's version of the pentagram and circle. But simultaneous with this, is the understanding that the human is the one who ultimately is the creator, who "draws imagination from the Empyrean realms, transforms them into the material substance, and sublimates it into art" as glimpses of the magical. Another version of this is in the Platonic concept of the Forms, which are then conveyed into actual items via the labor of the artist or the craftsman.

As such, the deep love of technology and the deep love for art was not in contrast in the least, because one helped the other and in both, the ultimately human spirit was very much glorified. Perhaps there is a lot of the cyborg in it, but the human is never extinguished.

The change came in last year with the widespread release of Chatgpt. I actually was an early user of Midjourney and played around with it as an ideation device, which I would have never faulted a user of AI for. But it was when the realization that the augmentation of that which is human was exchanged for the replacement of human that I knew that something had gone deeply, terribly wrong with the philosophy of the place.

Perhaps that was not the only reason: another transformative experience was reading Other Minds: The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness which changed a lot of my awareness of life from something of "information"(which is still the default thinking of techbros, which is why mind-uploading is such a popular meme) into the understanding of the holobiont that life, even in an "organism" is in fact a kind of enormous ecosystem of many autonomous or semi-autonomous actors as small as the cellular level(or even below!). A human is in fact almost as much "not human" as human - now while the research as been revised slightly, it still comes out that an average human is perhaps at most 66% human, and many of our human cells show incredible independent initiative. Life is a "whorl of meaning" and miraculous on so many fundamental levels.

And now, with the encroachment of technology, was the idea of not only replacing humanity with the creation of art, one of the most fundamentally soulful things that we do, but the idea of extinguishing life for some sort of "more perfection." Others have already talked about this particular death cult of the tech-bros, but this article covers the omnicidal attitude well, which goes beyond just the murder of all of humanity but also the death of all organic life. Such attitudes are estimated to be among AI researchers between 5 to 10%, the people who are in fact, actively leading us down this path who literally want you and everything you love to die.

I responded to the widespread AI the same way with a lot of other researchers in the area - initially with a mental breakdown(which I am still recovering from) and then with the realization that with the monster that had been created, we had to make the world as aware as possible and to try to stop it.

Art as Transcendence

Art is beauty, art is fundamental to human communication and I believe that while humans exist, we will never stop creating art. But beyond that, is the realization of art as transcendent - it speaks of the urgency of love, the precariousness of life, the marvel that is heroism, the gentleness of caring, and all of the central meaning of our existence, things which should be eternal and things I truly realize now are part and parcel of our biology. One doesn't have to relate to a supernatural soul to know that these things should be infused into our very being and that they are, by nature, not part of any mechanical substrate. A jellyfish alien that breathes through its limbs would be more true to us than a computer with a human mind upload in that sense; for anything that is organic is almost certainly that same kind of ecosystem, of life built upon life, of a whorl of meaning and ultimately of beauty, while the machine is a kind of inert death, and undeath in its simulacrum and counterfeit of the human being.

And in that, I realized that there was a point where the human must be protected from the demons that we are trying to raise, because no longer are we trying to summon aid to us, but so many of the technologists have become besotted and have fallen in love with their own monsters, and not with the very life that has created us and given us all this wonderous existence to feel, to breathe and to be. "