Luna Lovegood and the Chamber of Secrets - Part 13

by lsusr1 min read1st Jan 202111 comments

61

FictionHPMOR (discussion & meta)Rationality
Frontpage

"Wait," said Luna, "This is the Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw. It makes the wearer smarter. You might want it."

Professor Quirrel took the diadem in his hands. He feinted as if to place it over his head.

"I am an Occlumens," said Professor Quirrel, "Ravenclaw's device rips the incoherence out of doublethink. If I were to place this device over my head I would be lucky if it did not shred my mind. Nice try."

Professor Quirrel tossed the diadem back to Luna. Luna kowtowed.

"I heard stories of the First Wizarding War. You never cared much for individual human beings but you were always very careful not to destroy wizardkind," said Luna, "I get the feeling you put some effort into protecting the universe."

"So?" said Professor Quirrel.

"You are bored. This plane is too small for you," said Luna.

You-Know-Who did not murder her.

"You should not be a villain," said Luna.

"If you tell me to be a hero then you will die painfully," said Professor Quirrel.

"You should be a god," said Luna.

Luna willingly bestowed the astrolabe to Professor Quirrel.

"Is that all?" said Professor Quirrel.

"Yes," said Luna.

"Avada Kedavra," said Professor Quirrel.

Luna collapsed. Professor Quirrel sheathed his wand. His slender skeleton fingers untangled the clockwork. Professor Quirrel unfolded the astrolabe around him. He ascended to a higher plane of existence.


Luna stepped out of the Forgotten Library. She held the Sword of Gryffindor in her left hand and Wanda in her right. She buried Wanda in Hagrid's pumpkin patch.


The final duel of Lockhart's tournament was that afternoon. Professor Flitwick refereed. Luna lost.


Clang. Luna dropped the Sword of Gryffindor on Professor Lockhart's empty chair. She sat down for dinner in her seat at the end of the Ravenclaw table. A student stood behind her.

"You fought well in Lockhart's dueling tournament," said Ginevra Weasley, "Why don't you try sitting with us Gryffindors for a change?"


The astrolabe displayed "7" on one dial and "0" on all the rest. A tall, slender snakelike figure stepped into Heaven's throne room where a god rested. The trespasser threw a tactical reality anchor like a javelin. It stuck into the wall behind the throne. The trespasser stabbed his second tactical reality anchor behind himself into the floor of the entrance.

"LET'S DUEL."

Credits

You may do whatever you want with this story. You may expand it. You may abridge it. You may retcon it. You may turn it into an audiobook. You may repost it elsewhere.

  • Please respect J.K. Rowling's copyright. Harry Potter fanfiction must remain non-commercial, especially in the strict sense of traditional print publishing.
  • If you copy this story's exact text, then I request (though do not require) you include an attribution link back to the original story here on Less Wrong.

Thank you J.K. Rowling for creating Harry Potter and Eliezer Yudkowsky for creating Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres. In addition, thank you MondSemmel, Measure, ejacob, Gurkenglas, Jeff Melcher, gilch, mingyuan, Dojan and everyone else in the comments who corrected spelling and other mistakes in this story.

61

11 comments, sorted by Highlighting new comments since Today at 8:16 AM
New Comment

Professor Quirrel took the diadem in his hands. He feinted as if to place it over his head. Then he tossed it back to Luna.

“I am an Occlumens,” said Professor Quirrel, “Ravenclaw’s device rips the incoherence out of doublethink. If I were to place this device over my head I would be lucky if it did not shred my mind. Nice try.”

That is the Professor Quirrel we know and love.

Thanks for writing and finishing this story! There's something particularly commendable about the act of finishing any kind of project. Kudos!

---

"In the First Wizarding War, your mother contributed to the development of a secret weapon intended to neutralize Lord Voldemort." (chapter 4)

Given the incompetence of the wizarding world, it seems very appropriate that the way they'd come up with to defeat a powerful evil wizard would be to... offer him godhood and make him someone else's problem.

---

Alternative story ending: Lord Voldemort defeats himself by using Legilimency on Luna.

---

The curse on the position of Hogwarts' Defense Professor still seems to be active. How unfortunate for Mr. Lockhart. Though what was he thinking when he accepted the position in the first place?

---

Does anyone know what the 7 and 0s thing on the astrolabe is a reference for?
Same question regarding the tactical reality anchors.

In this alternate universe the old testament is true, so it is a reference to the seventh day of creation where god rested (after having created the world)

I'm so confused. How did Luna survive the Killing Curse?

I think Wanda was in front of her, so she got hit, and Luna pretended to die.

Same way she avoided getting stunned in her duels.

Luna stepped out of the Forgotten Library. She held the Sword of Gryffindor in her left hand and Wanda in her right. She buried Wanda in Hagrid’s pumpkin patch.

Ow. I feel stupid now. I didn't expect that. Great foreshadowing.

I never thought I'd be this sad about the death of an invisible ear-worm.

I don't understand. I was quite intrigued about platform 9 and a half, about detecting things by explicitly ignoring everything of interest, really nice ideas. I'm usually able to read fics in English and understand most of it, but in this case, I fear I failed a lot. I do not know whether it is because some things were removed from history or whether it's because it 's a LL point of view. I can imagine that it's a really good point of view, but that's too confusing for me to follow. It's not even clear to me what occured at the end

Typo:
"Then he tossed it back to Luna. [...] Professor Quirrel tossed the diadem back to Luna. Luna kowtowed." -> He tosses the diadem back twice.

Fixed. Thanks.